


it's not love (but it's better than dreaming)

by rockpapercompass



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Ficlet, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Light Angst, escort girl chuu, nightclub photographer yves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-03-28
Packaged: 2019-12-25 21:24:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18269591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rockpapercompass/pseuds/rockpapercompass
Summary: we’re just having sex i would never call it love.but love,i think i’m catching feelings.





	it's not love (but it's better than dreaming)

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by [eden's sex](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POZ-Kuj0zN0).
> 
> title is from [eden's fumes.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFrgyKmOUmc)
> 
> just a quick drabble,  
> was planning to make this as a multi-chapter thing. 
> 
> but.  
> here you go anyway,  
> enjoy!

It’s the same thing every night.

Hunting pictures in the dark, one too many drinks after and waking up in some unfamiliar room. The bed was always cold despite the heat radiating from the body on top of her and her lips were always dry despite the amount of liquid that had passed through her mouth on the night before.

And then there’s always the morning after.

If she’s lucky enough, she could sneak out without passing any awkward conversation or even sparing another glance at whoever she spent the night with. But the burning sensation at the back of her head was always there.

It was like a routine for her and she needs her routine.

But it’s always a blur.

And she would never admit it but she fucking hated that.

She hated the taste of cigarettes in her mouth, the drink that she took after to wipe it off and the pills that she popped in attempt to erase it all.

But there she was anyway, dragging her feet around the room and clicking the button to capture more pictures. Sooyoung swore she would quit from that place the week after but she never did. She glanced around and stopped when her eyes landed on the red hair girl with bangs sitting at the bar alone. Which was weird because she was usually surrounded by people, different crowd every night but never alone.

And Sooyoung knew who the girl was and what she does for a living, considering both of them work for the same man. It was a little hard for her to grasp at first, how someone look so sweet and innocent could be tied up into such a dark life. She wasn’t much younger than her too; and her name – oh god, Sooyoung really loved how her name rolled against her tongue. _Kim Jiwoo_. Sounds so delicate, so soft. It melted perfectly in her mouth.

~~(Though it would be better if she could feel how her hips felt like rolling against her thigh)~~

It was really dumb how her heart would jump every time she catches a glimpse of her, not to mention the reason why she still took pictures for the stupid club was because of that girl.

But that night she felt lucky.

Maybe because of the drink or the slow night ahead of her, either way, she was bold enough to finally walk towards her. And maybe, just maybe, Sooyoung could be luckier and bring her home.

“Hey,” she smiled, “slow night?”

“Yeah, I don’t really have any client tonight,” she sipped her drink, “what ‘bout you? No more pictures to take?”

She nodded.

She swore her heart just jumped right out of her mouth after seeing her smile and the distance between them begin to disappear. They were sitting much closer, whispering to each other’s ears instead of conversing within a normal range.

Closer.

There was twinkle in her eyes.

Closer.

Sooyoung’s hand was on the younger girl’s hip.

Closer.

"yeah?" she smiled, lips ghosting against her own, "so how long do you think you want me for?"

 

 

Just like that, her routine shifted.

It was always a different stranger every night, but that changed after her encounter with Jiwoo. She became a part of her life, the routine that she never missed, though Sooyoung miss her absent during the day time. She never liked the night and what she does during those hours but after Jiwoo, it didn’t feel like such a burden anymore. Her senseless escapade after the club shut shifted into _ending up with Jiwoo._ Most night in beds, others nights would be a walk at the park or eating supper together while exchanging stories. By afternoon they’d end up in some coffee shop or a brunch café to cure their hungover or simply to feed their hunger.

Maybe it was her smile or maybe it was how Jiwoo kissed her and treat her differently that made her feel warm inside. Maybe the feeling of being wanted had stuck with her, though she knew it was all in her head; because Sooyoung knew that at the end of the day, Jiwoo was nothing more but a performer.

To perform for her, for them, behind closed doors where only Sooyoung could watch.

Jiwoo might be cheerful and always seemed to be happy all the time, but dear god, the amount of trauma that she had to carry were horrifying.

And if Sooyoung could cut her arm open and bleed out happiness (nay- a happy ending?) for both of them, she would. but she's living on borrowed time and their time together were hourly charged. Her touches were always desperate, it was rough against Jiwoo's skin with soft kisses after to cover it. if she could transfer whatever she was feeling at that moment, just to make Jiwoo stay a little bit longer she would.

Because at the end of the day, Jiwoo was an entertainer with a ticking clock. It would be a foolish move to fall for all these lies.

And sometimes during daylight, she would look up at the sky, dreaming where she could be if she weren't stuck in debt; if Jiwoo could ever be strong enough to fight back her addiction and compulsion.

But for now, she could only open her eyes and be satisfied with how things were. Hearing those words every night before they go home together were never easy and it never become easier; she just knew how to suppress it better. And in the morning when she’s not next to her, all she could do to ease the burning sensation in her chest was to grab her phone and scroll through her pictures and try to make pieces of what have had happened the night before.

"So how long do you think you want me for this time, Sooyoungie?"

 

_For forever._

(but all she sees was sky for forever)

 

**Author's Note:**

> ["for forever](http://everydayatleast.tumblr.com/post/172805857438/the-beautiful-instability-of-for-forever) / all she sees was sky for forever" is a reference to [dear evan hansen](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xkdPRcY0k4o). i know i know i shouldn't give it away but it's just really sad if you know the meaning behind it so there you go :D 
> 
> thank you for reading!!! :3


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